Sunday, December 20, 2009

i thought i was right, but i was wrong...

this week rasenye minggu yg meletihkan stakat nih....xtaw la ape je yg aku wat. hurmmm...

i used to think that i am tough, tp baru2 ni baru aku sedar yg aku ni lemah senanye...hiding behind a breakable mask. mcm konon2 sgt tabah la tp cengeng.

sume org ade ujian dlm hidup msg2 so, aku pon xlari darinye. of course degree untuk all the test is different. xkan aku nak expect same lak...

tp tu la, kdg xsalah breakdown kalo xtahan, kte manusia, lemah. dulu kecik2 aku g skola salu je org ejek. org ske ejek mak. aku ngadu kat mak, mak kate xpe, nanty dorg yg dpt balasan pandai2 la nak handle. 2 la 1st and last time aku ngadu. since then, aku take care je sume bdk2 sial yg mulot cam da lame sgt idop tu. pdn mke, sorg2 aku kejekan. ape ngt aku takot la ngn korg.

aku pnh watpe tah sampai bdk tu luke2 pnggl ayah dye tunggu dpn skola nak sound aku. alahai, laki kot ko tu, xcam anak jantan lnsg tuka je la jd pondan. pondan pon tough lg dari ko.

since then gak kalo lalu mane2 jalan yg creepy ke, kne kacau ke aku xgtaw mak. kne kejar ngn budak2 jahat sampai aku kne menyorok kat skola pon, aku xgtaw mak. bajet aku da ckup kuat la nak protect diri sendiri. bajet cam aku anak jantan la.

lately ade org dah bukak mate aku, tunjuk kat aku yg aku ni senanye lemah sgt. aku ni pura2 je tough. aku ngt aku sgt faham diri sndiri tp, upenye xpon.

kdg2 kte fikir kte rase kte sgt mgenali smone, tapi hakikatnye, kte xtaw pon about org tu.

people said that, when u get up after u fall, u'll be stronger. aku xtaw la sejauh mane benda ni betul. tapi tu la org cakap. ntah la, aku rase aku makin lemah ade la, and seriously aku xtaw la aku bangun balik x senanye.

lately aku moody, aku taw tu. sem 3 ni cam aku moody gle. cepat marah, cepat terase, cepat retaliate, and macam2 lagi la. so, kepade org2 yg terkena tempias mood aku tu, sori la.

senanye aku da try my best to be perfect for smone, tp maybe aku hanye cuba. bukan do my best. aku try maintain diri aku at the same time try la nak improve cket2 tp maybe tu la salah aku. aku hanye 'try'. aku xckup bgus untk dye.

senanye aku xknl diri aku sendiri, aku xtaw who i suppose to be. what i want to be...pelik, umo da 9teen tp xtaw lg.

people said that, it takes you to loose something to realize what you had. aku taw tu. tapi camne if it's too late to realise? and if kte da xle ubah pon, or even fix the smallest part of it? yg tu aku xtaw. aku just harap aku xkan pernah terlambat lagi pasni, untuk sedar.

maybe untuk certain people aku ni annoying sgt, aku taw tu. tapi aku xkan dapat puaskan sume org better aku puaskan org yg hargai aku, yg syg aku, diri aku and mereka yang aku syg. so kepade haters, the best way is aku xyah layan. nanty aku skt aky and of course la ko pon bakal sakit aty ngn aku sbb aku melawan.

aku xperlu la ade beribu2 kawan pon...or berjuta, beratus perhaps. biar r walaupun cket, asalkan dorg wat aku bhgie ngn dorg. aku xkesa nak nges skali ngn org tu kalo dye sedih (aku sgt kaye ngn air mata taw) thus, plz god, make me see what i really have righ now, open my eyes so that i'll know, make me love them as much as they can ever love me or even more cause i don't want it to be too late for me. plz make them stay.

4 comments:

  1. I know u cmner syg....
    I know how fragile u can be...
    be strong okay? Miss all good time wif u...

    ReplyDelete
  2. i miz u too...
    hey...but i can still break the neck okay??
    wink~
    amelia

    ReplyDelete
  3. I MIZZ ALL OF U BABE...STYLE AR...HUAHAUHAUHAUHAUHAUHAU....

    ReplyDelete

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